Your sleep is not broken – Part 2

“Emotional rest might mean finding moments to feel how we feel. Letting emotions move through us, sharing an experience. I know, for instance, if I don’t have a little cry every few days, then I’m probably keeping things in. That’s just me. I need a regular weep, joyful or otherwise.”

I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest with You, by Miranda Hart

For my first few of sleep-gems, read my last post.

Did you try the Pink Elephant experiment?

Did you try staying awake even though you were tired?

How did that work out?

Ready for my next few sleep-gems?

Become a compassionate detective/scientist.

1. Gently ask yourself why fear being awake at night. The conversation might go a bit like this:

You:  You’re not afraid of being awake during the day, are you? You:  Nope! You:  Being awake is not harmful, right? You:  Nope! You:  Even the best sleepers have the odd wakeful night, right? You:  Yup! You:  So, why are you afraid of being awake at night? You:  I’ll have a terrible day the next day! I’ll be exhausted!  I’ll fall asleep at my desk! I’ll be grumpy! They’ll fire me! It’s the end of the world! You: Really? That does sound scary! Also, You: But has that ever happened? Have you ever had such a bad night that you didn’t survive the next day? Have you been fired for being grumpy? It’s okay. You’ve managed before, and you’ll manage again. You’ll be fine. Everyone has a bad night occasionally. [cue catastrophising] [cue compassionate, non-judgemental detective work]

2. If we stop perceiving wakefulness as harmful or dangerous, we can stop fearing it.

Hyperarousal?

3. Remember – hyperarousal is a ‘fear state’. It’s one of the only two non-medical reasons that keep us awake. If (even on an unconscious level) you fear being awake at night, your anxiety will go up, and you’ll be scanning for problems – analysing – working out why you slept so well or so badly the night before. “What did I do differently?” “What went wrong/right?” “How can I replicate that amazing nap.
4. Scanning for patterns, reading up on the latest sleep solutions, and trying to figure out the secret to good sleep will drive you into a frenzy.
5. Trying to control sleep signals our brains that a problem needs fixing.

[Now you’re back in the ‘trying to control the impossible’ zone]

Control & Perfectionism:

When struggling to sleep, other emotions besides fear include frustration, anger, and hopelessness. You might feel frustrated because you are unable to fix your sleep despite following all the ‘right’ sleep practices, which makes you feel that you have failed. You’re (literally) angry and frustrated with yourself for failing to do something that cannot be done!

[cue compassion for yourself]

You: “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re actually super diligent! It’s just that you’ve been trying so hard to achieve something that you have no control over. You’ve set yourself up for failure.”

Practise COMPASSIONATE CURIOSITY:

6. The problem isn’t our sleep; it’s our thinking. Simply NOTICE some of your anxious thoughts or sensations and apply some CURIOSITY (fact-test your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations).

For example, the thought, “Tomorrow will be a disaster if I don’t sleep!” Is that really true? Have you survived the day after a sleepless night in the past?

Most likely, yes.

Try it for yourself!

[*hint* it takes practice, so don’t give up after the first hurdle].

Sweet dreams.

SMALL PRINT:
P.s. References for this blog: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for insomnia (CBTi), ‘This is Natto’ by Daniel Erichsen (a book desperately needing a good editor, but proposes the very helpful concept of ‘befriending wakefulness’) and Beth Kendall, sleep coach, blog.