Nothing in, Nothing out, No favours

“I wish I could knock down this building and build something more imaginative; a place that aimed to heal rather than merely contain people; where trusting and trustworthiness were nurtured; where the deprivation was not so extreme that people had to become ‘manipulative’ to meet their basic needs; where security were able to discriminate between people who are and aren’t genuinely dangerous, instead of jadedly assuming that everyone is a scorpion in waiting. But the building still stands.”

The Life inside – A  Memoir of Prison, Family and Learning to be Free by Andy West

Evidence bag

All through the prison, depending on where you find yourself (the recovery wing, the chapel, the yards, security, the gym medical or education), sayings and warnings are painted and pinned up on the walls:

      • ‘Lock it, Prove it!’  
      • ‘If it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen.’ 
      • ‘One drink is too many, a thousand’s not enough.’
      • ‘Hand sanitiser is dangerous, do not drink.’
      •  ‘The chapel is closed for refurbishments, but God is available 24-7 to hear your prayers.’
      • ‘Feral cats, do not feed!’
      • ✋🏻 STOP, THINK, don’t blur the lines!’
      • ‘Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?’

But the most important one is … ‘Nothing in, Nothing out, No Favours’!

On 14/08/23 I committed my first prison violation … Continue reading Nothing in, Nothing out, No favours

Robbed!

1 July 2016:

“The first thing that hits me is the noise: yelling, banging, screaming, grunting, barking, threatening, ranting, laughing, whining, arguing, fighting, howling, crying.  It’s as if someone has downloaded every single sound effect and is blaring them all out at once. The reception wing looks like it last had a makeover in 1895 … My cell is about 6ft by 12ft. The mattresses on the bunk beds are made from heavy-duty blue plastic, designed for the easy cleaning of bodily fluids. At the back is a hideous toilet that doesn’t have a seat. There’s no privacy curtain. The floor is cold concrete, and it all smells pretty bad. Sitting on the bottom bunk is a tanned bald man in his 60s. He has a thin face with wire-rimmed glasses and is eating his dinner off a chair while watching TV. He introduces himself as Ted, and explains he’s just been rearrested in Spain, having absconded from a previous lengthy sentence for drug-smuggling.”

A Bit of a Stretch by Chris Atkins

Seagull steels ice-cream

I was recently a victim of crime. I was shocked at the time, and I’m still somewhat in awe of the perpetrator who was obviously a skilled thief, and probably working as part of a gang.

Date: 1st July 2023 Time: approx 12:30 Place: Exmouth Esplanade

Crime: Daylight robbery, Turkish delight ice cream in a waffle cone.

Offender: British seagull, a prolific re-offender, still at large.

Witnesses: Me and Hubby (I still maintain I MOCK-cried! Nevertheless, thank you to Hubby for buying me another ice cream).

Image left: Not me (obvs), but I’m sure that’s the exact face I pulled.

Continue reading Robbed!

Check-in

“Here today, up and off to somewhere else tomorrow! Travel, change, interest, excitement! The whole world before you, and a horizon that’s always changing!”

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame

In the prison, we begin all therapeutic groups with a check-in. I’ll start.

Hi, I’m  Nyamazela, a perpetual student. Not feeling so strong today, but better than yesterday. Pleased to be back in the blogosphere.

We encourage the men to use feeling words that don’t begin with ‘F’. This helps them engage with their emotions and improves their vocabulary. The results usually go something like, “Hi, I’m John, I’m an addict. Feeling good today. Looking forward to the group.” Continue reading Check-in

A bit of a catch up over a cuppa

British heatwave 19 July 2022Well, hello, dear ones – good morning, good afternoon or good evening!*

Wherever you are, I hope you have a hot cuppa in hand (I have) with something to dip or a decent glass of wine. I’ve just re-read my November blog – wow, it’s like going back in time. I mean it literally is, but I’m amazed at how much has changed since that last blog post. Continue reading A bit of a catch up over a cuppa

It’s all happening here

Flat sold“For some time no one had heard our clock, any more than if it had not existed. But for these last few days the living-room was quiet, and then I heard that it was still ticking away. It never let itself get flurried. Slowly, slowly went the seconds in my grandfather’s timepiece, and said as of old: et-ERN-it-Y, et-ERN-it-Y. And if you listened hard enough you could make out the sort of singing note in its workings; and the clear silver bell struck. How good it was to hear once again the note of this clock in which there lived a strange creature! And to have been allowed to stay here in Brekkukot, in this little cottage which was the justification of all other houses on earth, in the house that gave other houses purpose.”

The Fish Can Sing by Halldór Laxness

Have you noticed how many people you speak to, have just, or are about to make, some big change in their lives? Continue reading It’s all happening here

Iceland – hot pools, lava, glaciers and icebergs

“While I was growing up I never heard the word ‘happiness’ except on the lips of a crazy woman… My grandfather was once asked, sympathetically, how the people at Akurgerði, who had lost their breadwinners at sea, were keeping. He answered, “They have plenty of fish.” In the same way, if someone asked how anyone was, we invariably replied: “Oh, he’s fat enough.” – which meant he was well, or as they would say in Denmark, he was ‘happy’. If someone was not well, one said: “Oh, you can see it on him.” And if the person under discussion was more dead than alive, one said: “Oh, he’s a bit low.”, “He’s off his food these days.” or “He’s packing his bags now, dear fellow.” Of a mortally ill youngster it was said that it did not look as if he would ever have grey hairs to comb.”

The Fish Can Sing by Halldór Guðjónsson Laxness

If you’re considering a trip to Iceland, get yourself fully vaccinated, let 15 days pass, book your tickets, pack your cozzie and some wind/rain proof outer layers, grab your passport and go!

Also, take your life savings. You’ll need every penny. Continue reading Iceland – hot pools, lava, glaciers and icebergs

Birthdays

“Birthdays need to be celebrated. I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday that a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory. Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone: ‘Thank you for being you.’ Celebrating a birthday is exalting a life and being glad for it. On a birthday we do not say: ‘Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.’ No, we say: ‘Thank you for being born and being among us.’

Here and Now by Henri Nouwen

It’s been a bumper birthday week! Thank you for all your wishes.

I received a card in the post all the way from Bufallo, NY. I’ve had calls and messages from friends and family near and far. I’ve been sung to IRL and on WhatsApp by some very talented people – and some not so talented, but equally enthusiastic.

I got a bag of thoughtful gifts from my family in Hull, including a card decorated by KL-M, my littlest niece. (see photo, left).

Continue reading Birthdays

Thwarted

“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.”

To a Mouse by Robert Burns

Our flat is still not sold.

The whole experience has been super duper weird.

It’s been re-painted, re-floored, re-bathroomed, re-priced, sorted, tidied and be-flowered, re-agented and re-photographed to within an inch of its life, and still barely a jot or a tittle (or if you prefer the Greek, an ‘iota’) of interest from any self-respecting buyer.

Why?

Continue reading Thwarted

Save it for a rainy day

“The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house. All that cold, cold, wet day.”

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss

Before you read any further, I want to state for the record that there really isn’t anything quite like a bright cheerful day in London, with blue sky above and the sun warm on my face.

But on the other hand, I truly love a rainy day, and today seems set to be one of those.

Continue reading Save it for a rainy day